Sarcastic Silliness

*the following is meant as sarcasm only and is intended for laughs. No patron’s feelings were hurt during the following account. The people in this example are real, however their names have been changed as to make them feel innocent. Clearly we get a kick out of these sorts of innocent people. Marketing Manager receives several of these during any given week...

--

From:
Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2006 16:14:11 EDT
To:
Subject: Presentation

Please send the performance schedule of this season.
We have enjoyed performances at the Random Opera in the past.
Thank you
Bob


--
Dear Bob,

Is that even your name, I couldn’t quite tell from the email address?

Yeah, sure, great. I’ll get right on that...as soon as I have to email you back to find out your mailing address information and your real name...DUH! I suppose that you think I must be a mind reader to get all of that information from your inconspicuous email address. And, where the heck did you find our EMAIL address anyway? Could it be that you went to our website and got the email address from there? Well if that’s the case couldn’t you have clicked on something else (a pretty picture perhaps or a piece of text that flashes a different color when you roll over it?!) that looks like it might be the name or picture of an opera? Or perhaps you googled “Random Opera” don’t you think our website might just appear somewhere on the first google results page? But, since I am a mind reader, and you’ve told me that you do enjoy performances at the Random Opera, I would only suppose that you received a mailer of some sort with some mention of our season schedule on it. And if, for whatever reason that particular mailer did not have our entire season schedule on it (or a listing of the particular cast for a particular show) I would be willing to be that our website address is plastered all over that mailer. Or, perhaps you didn’t know what the mailer was and ended up throwing it out anyway. Regardless if you have email, I would be willing to bet you have an Internet connection. If not, I don’t know how we connected in the first place. So, that being said, we’ve established that you indeed must have Internet access. And, a browser surely comes with that fancy internet access (there’s even one called “Opera” imagine that!!!) and of course so does email. You must be able to type in w-w-w-.-r-a-n-d-o-m-o-p-e-r-a-.-o-r-g just as easily as you can type in our email address, correct? Well then, instead of typing in i-n-f-o- and that funny little @ sign, first, try w-w-w and then add a .-o-r-g and the very end of that ridiculously LONG randomopera and BAM! You’ve got it! Instant website (on your screen in less time than it took for you to send me this pointless email in the first place)! A website chock full of all the information (and so much more) you’ve ever wanted to know about the Random Opera—and performances you’ve said you enjoy so much. So go enjoy it already!

Sincerely,
Marketing Manager

And here is all the contact information you will ever need to know in case you need to get a hold of me. Oh, and if you want to buy tickets you’ll have to talk to Box Office Manager, in that case the number is: 405/555-7510 ext. 264. Or you could go to that fancy, schmancy website I just told you about and you could order your tickets directly from there, imagine that! A full-service website for all your informational and ticketing needs! Here it is again in case you forgot: www.randomopera.org

--
Marketing Manager
Random Opera Company
1432 N. River St.,
Anycity, USA